The other day I found myself, unexpectedly, at the Dollar Tree. It was in the next town over, so it felt extra magical. I used to avoid them at all costs because, like Wal-Mart, they just make me sad. However, since I’ve started blogging, I’ve realized dollar stores aren’t to be feared (ok they still kind of are). At their best, a dollar store is like an Island for Misfit Treats. An enchanted Narnia for the salt and sugar addicted. A quiet place by the shore where old snacks go to spend their twilight years. This Dollar Tree was a treasure trove of weird drinks, chips, and candy, even more so than the ones near me. I’ve already pilfered all of those.
I’ve been on something of a salt bender lately, so I made a beeline right to the chips. I stocked up on a bunch of TGI Friday’s products because of my recent love affair with their Bacon and Cheddar Potato Skins. But we’ll get to those another day. Nestled between those red and white bags I found these Burger King Onion Rings snacks. Jackpot!
I’ve never eaten a snack food developed by a fast food company before, mainly because I didn’t know that that was a luxury modern society was now affording us. I didn’t know what to expect. However, I had high hopes and I’ll tell you why.
For years I’ve been pursuing federal grant money to fund research on a hypothesis I’ve been sitting on for quite a while. It has to do with the relationship between ring-shaped snacks and deliciousness. It’s quite complicated and requires some knowledge of trigonometry, quantum gravity, and Broadway musicals. I’m not talking about circle-shaped snacks. I’m talking rings. Like proper Larry Niven rings. Your donuts, your bagels, your onion rings. I’ll just say that I believe deliciousness and ring-shapedness are inextricably linked on a subatomic level like peas and carrots (or Forrests and Jennys).
With those ideas drifting aimlessly around my frontal lobes, I tore into the BK Onion Rings and went to work. They’re structured like big cheese puffs, light and airy inside. The salt to onion flavor ratio is pretty dead on. They don’t taste anything like actual Burger King onion rings, but that’s ok. They work on their own, and frankly, I think I enjoyed them more than their fast food counterparts, as I refer to every trip to a Burger King as “The King’s Gambit.”
They are good. Definitely a respectable salty fix. I don’t think I could eat many of them at one sitting. One scant handful seemed about right. But I did find myself going back to the bag throughout the evening and grabbing more. They’re strangely addictive. Much more so than I would have anticipated. If you see a bag, give them a try. They’re pleasantly surprising. Don’t let your pathological fear of the King put you off. We all lived through the Duracell Family scare of the mid-nineties, and are better people for it.