I don’t believe in a lot.  I don’t care about politics or sports, nor am I one of those God and Country kind of guys.  If the U.S. fell to some foreign invader, I generally wouldn’t mind provided my internet service wasn’t interrupted.  At my core, the only thing I really believe in is the potential of the human race.  And rooting for the potential of the human race is like rooting for the…ummm…you know, that one team that loses all the time.  See.  Not a sports guy.

Let’s face it, the human race has produced some of the worst people that have ever lived: Adolph Hitler, Joseph Stalin, Vlad the Impaler, Carlos Mencia.  The list goes on, and could easily break the spirit of the most stout-hearted man.  But on the other list, the far far shorter list, we find shining examples of what a person should be and can do: Abraham Lincoln, William Shakespeare, Albert Einstein, Samwise Gamgee.

(Ok I know he’s not real but quick aside.  Samwise Gamgee is totally the hero in the Lord of the Rings and NEVER gets ANY credit!  Oh everyone loooooooves Frodo.  Oh what a great hobbit he is.  Oh he saved Middle Earth.  Well ya know what jerks, your precious Frodo sucks.  He had a magical ring fall into his lap, put all of his friends through hell, and guess what, in the end, he DECIDED TO KEEP THE RING FOR HIMSELF!!!  Yea, everyone forgets about that!  He chooses evil!  The ring is only destroyed when that frog man bites his finger off.  You know who never faltered?  Not once?  That’s right.  Samwise Gamgee.  He carried that little tool all the way to Mordor.  But he doesn’t get the fanfare.  He doesn’t get to sail to elf heaven.  Nope.  It’s right back to the shire.  And never once does he complain!)

Sorry about that.  Thank you for indulging me.  It’s been a big point of contention in my household.  My wife is a slavish Frodo zealot.

So when I saw on the internets that Oregonian brewer Rogue Ales had teamed with Oregonian doughnutter Voodoo Doughnuts to make a beer based on their bacon maple bar, and that it came in a bright pink bottle deckled out with pigs and maple leaves, I thought that humanity had reached its apex and now everything else would just be a footnote on our slow crawl back into the oceans. 

I mean come on, a beer inspired by a pork product topped pastry in an obnoxious bottle.  It’s the world’s opinion of the United States distilled into a convenient drinkable container.

Needless to say, I couldn’t purchase it fast enough.  $13 dollars for a 26 ounce bottle in addition to $13.13 for shipping!  Easily the most expensive beer I’ve ever had by a good $20.

The nosegrope of the ale is crazy.  It really smells like smoky bacon.  Way more authentic than I imagined. 

Now, a lot of reviews I’ve seen mention that there is no doughnut taste.  And there isn’t.  But it’s not Voodoo Doughnut Bacon Maple Doughnut Ale.  It’s Voodoo Doughnut Bacon Maple Ale.  So let’s get that out of the way.

The beer drinks very smoothly and very weirdly.  The bacon is most definitely there but is strongest in the aftertaste.  The smoke flavor hits way back in the throat.  And it lingers there for quite a while.  My mouth felt really smoky and a little greasy.  Waiting even longer, I felt like I had just swallowed something salty and had the parched mouth that comes with it.

I couldn’t really find too much maple flavor.  There were very very light sweet notes very occasionally, but certainly nothing to make me feel Canadian.  It smells a lot sweeter than it tastes.

I can’t really recommend this as an enjoyable, regular rotation beverage.  It is indeed a bacon ale, but I don’t know if that’s really a good thing.  I do recommend picking up a bottle for your next get together though.  It’s definitely a conversation piece, and you can present it with a flourish and your most regal “Behold!”  Also, no one will fault you for holding on to the glorious bottle.

In t he end,  the fact that some enterprising young maniacs made this a thing, well, it just makes feel a little better about humanity.  Not every experiment can be a success: Jurassic Park, Brundlefly, et al.  But with a bottle this pink and a drink this bacon, I know we are at least going in the right direction.

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