We’re done with bacon, right?  Finally?  Everything’s been wrapped and infused and topped and garnished.  Every animal worth eating has had it rammed into all of its available orifices.  Every product has been flavored or scented.  We made perfumes and floss and personal lubricant.  There are shirts and socks and ties.  It’s finally over, right?  The douchey uninteresting posers have lost interest?  We’re moving onto the cronut now?

It’s about time.  Talk about overstaying your welcome.  And I’ll come right out and say it. Bacon, it’s not so great.  Seriously.  It’s good.  It’s not meme good.  Have a couple slices on your burger.  Pair it with some eggs.  Wrap a scallop.  Crumble it in your salad.  But then move the eff on.  It’s just a food.  It’s not a lifestyle.  As much as you want it to be.

I’ll admit I fell prey to the nonsense.  I tried a bacon latte at a hipster bakery.  I ate canned bacon.  Bacon popcorn.   I even tried some fizzy bacon drink tabs.  Just to say I did.  Why not, right?  That’s what it all was about.  Saying you did.  No one is really that into bacon.  And if you are.  Enjoy the next few days of life before your heart explodes like the Death Star.

Now if you run an artisanal charcuterie, by all means bacon away.  That’s an art and I’m sure you are making amazing stuff.  But that’s not the same as buying 10 pounds at the Piggly Wiggly to pile on a burger the size of a Frisbee for your next web video.

I’d love to say this will be my last bacon review, but it probably won’t.  Some food we didn’t realize we were forgetting will get the bacon treatment and it’ll land on all the blogs and media outlets.  What are you gonna do?  I’m only human.

Honestly, I was excited when I first saw this product.  I was picturing a perfect crunchy blend of salty and sweet that would make me reconsider my stance on bacon.  I was hoping it would be like those delicious sugared almonds I buy when I go to theme parks and such, but with a bacon.  Sounds good, right?  I know!

well, the nosegrope is what you’d think it would be.  It’s bacon.  Big, big bacon and lots of it.  No room for anything else.  A bad beginning.

Unfortunately, the taste of this mix was a complete letdown.  The bacon, sugar, and pecans have all been mashed together into a uniformly, semi-mushy mélange.  I wish there was more variety in the texture, but everything has just been sitting together for too long.

The pecans and brown sugar have absorbed the flavor of the bacon completely.  If you love bacon, that’s great.  But I wondered why the pecans and sugar were there at all.  Essentially you have bacon-infused pecans and bacon-infused brown sugar (which miraculously has lost most of its sweetness).  Even the bacon bits seem to be bacon-infused, the flavor is so intense.  It’s all just too much.  Too salty, too bacony.   And it left me tasting bacon for hours.  It’s not good.

The solution to this mess of a product would be to keep each component separate, or to sugar up the pecans and keep those sequestered from the bacon bits, so the consumer could mix them up at snack time.  That way you could retain the flavor of each individual component and make it taste like it tastes in my imagination.

But I guess when you have a snack produced by a website dedicated to shoving bacon up the ass of every product they could get their greasy fingers on, not every one is going to be a winner.  Actually I bet most of them aren’t winners.

Bacon Freak’s Piglets Pecan Bacon Snack is the perfect example of what was ridiculous about the whole bacon craze.  It was all coulda instead of shoulda.  A poorly executed idea rushed to capitalize on the trend du jour.

Just make this at home yourself.  It’ll be much much better.

Ugh.

Bacon.