Lay’s Canada’s Do Us A Flavour Finalist – Perogy Platter Potato Chips: A Review

Last Tuesday I kicked off Food Junk’s Week (or possibly two) of Canadian Grandeur and Majesty. I was going to rapid fire blog my way through the four flavor finalists from Lays Canada’s Do Us a Flavour contest.

I wanted to churn them out really quickly. Back to back to back to back. I wanted to look back fondly on them and be proud of my burst of productivity.  If you’ve been a Food Junk reader for any time, you might remember I used to put up two posts a week!  Two a week!  Hard to believe now that my posting schedule is handled more on a Whenever basis.

So that was the plan. And we were humming along, and I was feeling good about myself. I managed to put up posts for two of the finalists on two consecutive days! Then my wife tried to kill me with poison.

Ok. So she claims that she bought a new cleaning spray for our apartment because it was on sale at the store. She claims she didn’t know that I would be highly allergic to it. She claims she had no idea I would break out in hives or that my eyes would swell shut. She claims she didn’t know I would get the cold shivers for two straight hours on Saturday night forcing me to wear socks, jeans, a t shirt, and a hoodie to bed.

But I have my doubts.

Clearly she has a motive. I mean if I were to suddenly and tragically shuffle loose the mortal coil, she would stand to inherit quite a lot. I’m talking in the range of a few dozen to several dozen dollars, not to mention a respectable collection of vintage Kool-Aid packets, a Back to the Future Trilogy Blu-Ray, and some pretty nice trading cards.  Complete sets of Saved by the Bell: The College Years, as well as 100 Years of Hershey, just to name two.

You don’t have to be Agatha Christie to put all those Indians on the Orient Express. Am I right?  I believe I am.

But I have survived through the power of science and a pretty cute nurse who gave me a steroid shot in my right butt cheek, so here we are.  Back on track.

Our third finalist in the Lay’s Canada Do Us a Flavour contest is Perogy Platter.  The flavor is meant to evoke perogies (I’m going with the weird bag spelling) layered with sour cream, green onion, cheese, and bacon.  I didn’t know perogies were so popular in Canada. I find it interesting.  I would have never picked a flavor like this for a finalist.

The nosegrope was of a bag of sour cream and onion chips with a dusting of some bacon.  Maybe some light cheddar notes.  It reminded me a bit of TGI Friday’s Cheddar and Bacon Potato Skin Chips.

The chips appear to have been birthed from the loins of a sour cream and onion chip base.  That’s the dominant flavor, and like the nosegrope, there is some smokey bacon layered in.  The bacon builds at the end of the chew experience.  There’s not much more going on than that.

These chips don’t really call to mind perogies.  I feel like there should be some kind of dough represented somewhere in the mix.  Without dough, aren’t we just recreating loaded baked potatoes?  Haven’t we already done that?  My waistline says that we have.

These chips are good, but that’s all they are.  There is nothing wrong with them, but overall, they’re pretty unremarkable and easily forgettable.  Definitely the least interesting flavor so far.

Oh yea, and I also have some Huey Lewis and the News albums.  On vinyl.  Watch your backs, snacklings.

Lay’s Canada’s Do Us A Flavour Finalist – Maple Moose Potato Chips: A Review

I don’t wanna brag or anything, but I have been to the Canada pavilion in Epcot like a lot of times.  And I don’t mean just walked through it quickly on my way to Japan to see if they still sell those spinny drum things from The Karate Kid, Part II.  I mean I’ve stopped and looked at the rocks from like all the angles.  And I’ve seen the Circle-Vision movie at least three times.  And that thing’s like 20 minutes long.  Kind of a big commitment.  And there aren’t any seats.  Just rails to lean on.

So really it’s like I’m almost Canadian.

But I still have a question.  Is moose a food that a lot of Canadians eat?  And I’m not judging or mocking or anything.  I really want to know.  Are enough people eating moose that it warrants its own potato chip flavor?  Maple I could see.  Obviously.  But moose?  And is maple and moose a big deal?  Or is it like a mashup of two quintessentially Canadian things?  Like if you were American and mashed up, say, French fries with more French fries, or patriotism and diabetes.

I admit I have next to no moose experience.  I’ve never seen a Rocky and Bullwinkle cartoon, and I’ve only seen the first episode of Northern Exposure.  However, I am a fan of National Lampoon’s Vacation, but that’s pretty much where it ends.  I’ve certainly never eaten moose.  I didn’t even know that was a thing people ate.  I knew people hunted elk and stuff, but do people hunt moose?  If Northern Exposure is to be believed, they don’t seem very fast.  They just lumber through town, right?

I dunno.

Anway, today we have the second of the four finalists in Lay’s Canada’s Do Us a Flavour contest.  It’s Maple Moose. (Check out the other finalists here.)

The nosegrope upon opening the bad was…weird.   I was expecting meat or maple.  Obviously.  But the nosegrope had a weird astringency that honestly reminded me of sauerkraut.  Or some bizarrely spiced cabbage-based dish at least.  There’s some tomato-y barbeque-ness (barbequeity?) there too, but it’s overwhelmed by whatever that first aroma is.  Moose maybe?  I don’t know.

First and foremost what seems to be missing from the flavor profile is maple.  The chips have a slight sweetness.  To call it maple sweetness would be a stretch.  It’s just slightly sweet.  The base of this chip seems to be Lay’s run of the mill Barbeque.  There’s the aforementioned sweetness and then some of the universal chip mix of paprika and onion, garlic, and tomato powders.  There’s also a gamey, sort of meatish flavor.  I guess that’s the moose.  It’s not as strong as the nosegrope would have you believe, but it’s there and up front.  If that’s what moose tastes like, I’m going to be polishing my big gun of hunting things anytime soon.  In fact, on my first taste, I swear I could detect notes of cheap hot dog.  But they were fleeting.  As notes of cheap hot dog always are.

This is by far the most interesting flavor concept.  This is the one that makes people say “What was that flavor?” when they hear it mentioned.  But when you aim high in Canada, sometimes you miss and land somewhere outside Detroit.  Now again, I have no moose experience.  So for all I know this could be dead on.  If it is, my humblest apologies.

All I know is that if I tried this bag and didn’t know what it was, my first thought would be “Hey, barbeque chips!” and my second would be “What’s wrong with these barbeque chips?”

 

Lay’s Canada’s Do Us A Flavour Finalist – Creamy Garlic Caesar Potato Chips: A Review

When Lay’s did their big Do Us a Flavor promotion a few months back, I wasn’t bowled over.  I thought the promotion itself was a great idea, but the flavors didn’t jump out at me as being terribly inspired. I mean Chicken and Waffles was really interesting, but Cheesy Garlic Bread and Sriracha didn’t really scratch-stop the record that constantly plays in my head.  That record is Lindsey Buckingham’s “Holiday Road” by the way.

Like every writer in the foodoblogosphere, I rushed around town like a lunatic trying to find all three flavors.  I couldn’t find them anywhere because I can never find things anywhere, and once reviews started popping up online, I lost interest.  I’ve still only tried Cheesy Garlic Bread.  Good thing the excitement of the contest has been nullified now that Lay’s is going to release the other two flavors, so I still have a chance to try them.  I still probably won’t.  I’m a complicated riddle.

But more recently, Frito-Lay Canada started their own contest, Do Us a Flavour (totally spelled with a u), and debuted four way more interesting potato chip varieties: Creamy Garlic Caesar, Grilled Cheese & Ketchup, Perogy Platter, and Maple Moose.  Now, I am interested!

Well, I am interested again, now.  When the four finalists were announced this summer, I tried to find some online, but couldn’t.  So I gave up, and they fell off the radar.  But recently a co-worktress (we’ll call her Cynthia) sent me a text through a third person intermediary (we don’t really have a texting relationship yet) demanding that I buy these chips.  She’s a fan of my blog (and by fan I mean she knows I have a blog but doesn’t read it at all or know what it’s called), so I started the hunt.

I put out the call to my beloved Canada-based Twitter followers to help me out, and new best friend of the blog, Dani of The Daily Yum, came through with a complete set of four.  I don’t know how she did it exactly, but I like to picture her battling her way through a giant red and white pagoda in a series of escalating martial arts fights.  Game of Death style.  (Little known fact about Dani: she actually fought Kareem Abdul-Jabar in real life once.  And won.)

But instead of one long, rambling post with all four flavors, I thought it would be fun to break it up into four long, rambling posts.  So I am declaring this week Food Junk’s Week (or possibly two) of Canadian Grandeur and Majesty!  Together, we will learn the history of this great land with facts that are probably true, and explore the best that Canada has to offer.

Here we go.

This week in Canadian history, back in 1914, Sam Hughes established the Canadian Aviation Corps, a precursor to the Royal Canadian Air Force.  The corps’ publicly stated reason for existing was to fight in World War I, however, years later, through leaked government documents, it was revealed that the corps was actually established to fight the increasingly aggressive pterodactyls who were straying farther and farther from their underground sanctuary in the prehistoric lost continent below Nova Scotia.

In celebration of this achievement, we have these Creamy Garlic Caesar potato chips, based of course on the classic Caesar salad, a dish that was originally intended to serve as pterodactyl bait in Los Angeles’s own Great Sky Lizard War of the late 1800s.

The nosegrope of these Creamy Garlic Caesar chips is reminiscent of Sour Cream and Onion but with noticeable garlic notes.

The strongest flavors are the garlic and Caesar salad dressing components.  They are very upfront, and like a strong Caesar dressing, they stay with you for a while.  Lest we get lazy and stop there, there are also some earthy cheese notes, and even some hints of lemon that push to the forefront the more chips you eat.

I really liked these.  These are well engineered.  All of the bases are covered and attention was paid to detail.  While the flavors may not be exactly exact, they are respectably and enjoyably close.  Co-worktress Cynthia declared that these were easily better than all three American finalists.  I don’t think I’d disagree.

Well played Frito-Lay Canada.  Well played.  I’m slow clapping “O Canada” for you right now.

I hope the rest of the finalists can deliver as well.

Ay.

Chocolate Kingdom’s Royal Cocoa Cola: A Review

When this past summer began, my wife instituted Disney Mondays.  We were both passholders at the time, and she decreed that Mondays would serve as little getaways to start each week off right.  We could turn our pockets inside out and dump the currency from our respective money-holding accessories into the giant Mickey Mouse shaped coffers located on Main Street together.

Good times were had.

But toward the end of the summer we let our passes expire.  There was still one weekend left before we returned to our classrooms and began the ten month long process of slowly poisoning ourselves with the daily inhalation of Expo marker fumes, and we weren’t ready to throw in the José Carioca beach towel just yet.  So we struck out toward Orlando anyway, passes be damned.  We ended up at Old Town in Kissimmee.  It’s an outdoor shopping place with weird tourist shops, restaurants, go-carts and such for the kids, and thrill rides (including the Sky Coaster which remains the scariest attraction I’ve ever been on).

After wading through stores with names like Black Market Minerals (totally aboveboard), Knives &Things (things = very ornate dragon statues), and Kandlestix (with a k AND an x!), we stumbled across Chocolate Kingdom.  (Everything in Orlando is a kingdom, an experience, or a world.)

Chocolate Kingdom is an “interactive chocolate factory tour” run by Schakolad, the company behind a chain of franchised chocolate boutiques that operates in the eastern half of the United States.  I like Schakolad.  We bought our wedding reception favors from them.  They make good chocolate

Now, when I hear “chocolate factory tour,” I picture a purple suited lunatic leading me through a crazy surrealist fever dream of a candy factory accompanied by some memorable, a-hole children.  However, this seemed to be more of a chocolate exhibit wedged into some previously vacated retail/office space.  Though I did hear some loud a-hole children yelling from somewhere inside the place.

As magical as it seemed, we didn’t take the tour.

But in their lobby/gift shop, I found this bottle of Cocoa Cola.  It’s a chocolate soda made especially for, and available only at, the Chocolate Kingdom.  I was sold.

So the nosegrope, isn’t exactly cocoa or chocolate.  It’s more a middle ground between Tootsie Rolls and Yoo-hoo.  Which I guess aren’t really that far apart to begin with.

The flavor isn’t exactly cocoa or chocolate either.  It directly reflects the nosegrope.  It’s chocolate in its most artificial state.  It’s a very sweet, carbonated version of either of the two products mentioned above.  Take your pick.  I’m not sure if any actual cocoa or chocolate made it anywhere near this beverage in either the design or the manufacturing stage.  There are real chocolates being sold in the lobby only a few feet away, but that’s about as good as it gets.

It also leaves a heinous, metallic yet plasticky (is that even possible?) aftertaste that lingers for what seemed like forever.

And look at the color of that soda.  Who in their right mind takes the time to create a chocolate soda and doesn’t color it to look like chocolate?  Seriously.  Is a rich chocolatey brown color too much to ask?  The bottle is brown.  The label is brown.   Chocolate and cola are both brown!  But instead, you went with this weird non-color.  I have to taste Tootsie Rolls while looking at the sickly off-yellow of mildly hydrated tourist pee?  Who’s in charge of this kingdom?!

This was a disappointment.  I don’t know what I was expecting but it was something more than a cheaply flavored novelty soda.  They do sell real chocolate after all.

The good news is you’ll probably never encounter this soda.  But if you should find yourself in Old Town, after you leave The Groovy Store, buy a Coke, open it, leave it in the wonderful smelling Chocolate Kingdom gift shop, and comeback for it in an hour.  It’ll be way better than Cocoa Cola.

Late Night American Hot Wings Doritos: A Review

Want to read about a vaguely named snack from my Taiwan in the shape of a haircut I used to have?  Of course you do.  I reviewed Late Night American Hot Wings Doritos on The Impulsive Buy.

Late Night American Hot Wings 1

Bacon Freak’s Piglets Pecan Bacon Snack: A Review

We’re done with bacon, right?  Finally?  Everything’s been wrapped and infused and topped and garnished.  Every animal worth eating has had it rammed into all of its available orifices.  Every product has been flavored or scented.  We made perfumes and floss and personal lubricant.  There are shirts and socks and ties.  It’s finally over, right?  The douchey uninteresting posers have lost interest?  We’re moving onto the cronut now?

It’s about time.  Talk about overstaying your welcome.  And I’ll come right out and say it. Bacon, it’s not so great.  Seriously.  It’s good.  It’s not meme good.  Have a couple slices on your burger.  Pair it with some eggs.  Wrap a scallop.  Crumble it in your salad.  But then move the eff on.  It’s just a food.  It’s not a lifestyle.  As much as you want it to be.

I’ll admit I fell prey to the nonsense.  I tried a bacon latte at a hipster bakery.  I ate canned bacon.  Bacon popcorn.   I even tried some fizzy bacon drink tabs.  Just to say I did.  Why not, right?  That’s what it all was about.  Saying you did.  No one is really that into bacon.  And if you are.  Enjoy the next few days of life before your heart explodes like the Death Star.

Now if you run an artisanal charcuterie, by all means bacon away.  That’s an art and I’m sure you are making amazing stuff.  But that’s not the same as buying 10 pounds at the Piggly Wiggly to pile on a burger the size of a Frisbee for your next web video.

I’d love to say this will be my last bacon review, but it probably won’t.  Some food we didn’t realize we were forgetting will get the bacon treatment and it’ll land on all the blogs and media outlets.  What are you gonna do?  I’m only human.

Honestly, I was excited when I first saw this product.  I was picturing a perfect crunchy blend of salty and sweet that would make me reconsider my stance on bacon.  I was hoping it would be like those delicious sugared almonds I buy when I go to theme parks and such, but with a bacon.  Sounds good, right?  I know!

well, the nosegrope is what you’d think it would be.  It’s bacon.  Big, big bacon and lots of it.  No room for anything else.  A bad beginning.

Unfortunately, the taste of this mix was a complete letdown.  The bacon, sugar, and pecans have all been mashed together into a uniformly, semi-mushy mélange.  I wish there was more variety in the texture, but everything has just been sitting together for too long.

The pecans and brown sugar have absorbed the flavor of the bacon completely.  If you love bacon, that’s great.  But I wondered why the pecans and sugar were there at all.  Essentially you have bacon-infused pecans and bacon-infused brown sugar (which miraculously has lost most of its sweetness).  Even the bacon bits seem to be bacon-infused, the flavor is so intense.  It’s all just too much.  Too salty, too bacony.   And it left me tasting bacon for hours.  It’s not good.

The solution to this mess of a product would be to keep each component separate, or to sugar up the pecans and keep those sequestered from the bacon bits, so the consumer could mix them up at snack time.  That way you could retain the flavor of each individual component and make it taste like it tastes in my imagination.

But I guess when you have a snack produced by a website dedicated to shoving bacon up the ass of every product they could get their greasy fingers on, not every one is going to be a winner.  Actually I bet most of them aren’t winners.

Bacon Freak’s Piglets Pecan Bacon Snack is the perfect example of what was ridiculous about the whole bacon craze.  It was all coulda instead of shoulda.  A poorly executed idea rushed to capitalize on the trend du jour.

Just make this at home yourself.  It’ll be much much better.

Ugh.

Bacon.

Pepsi-Flavored Cheetos: A Review

Head on over to The Impulsive Buy for my review of the latest Japanese snack hybrid monstrosity: Pepsi-flavored Cheetos.

Pepsi-flavored Cheetos

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