Back in the late 90s I had a pretty bad Twix problem.  You see, I worked in a Florida home decor store that was at one end of a strip mall (a more soulless place you cannot imagine).  At the other end was a grocery store.  So on my breaks from selling miniature wooden lighthouses, fake fisherman nets, and white wicker rocking chairs to blue-haired, bedazzled old ladies, I would wander down to the grocery store for a quick pick me up (and to flirt with a cashier I had a crush on).  It was innocent enough.

One or two in a week.  Nothing I couldn’t handle.  I told myself it was no big deal.

That’s how it starts.  Pretty soon it was one a day with a Mountain Dew chaser.  It’s all I could think about.  I counted the minutes until every break, then slipped out the back door so I wouldn’t have to pass anyone on the way.  They couldn’t know my secret shame.

I was in a bad spot.  I snapped at customers, lost friends, and alienated coworkers.  When I woke up one afternoon, in the bronze flamingo aisle, the corners of my mouth smeared with chocolate, my goatee flecked with cookie crumbs, and with no memory of how I got there, I knew I had bottomed out.  I needed help.

Today, I am 11 years Twix sober and finally at a place in my life where I can even enjoy one from time to time at a house party or a rave without having to worry about blacking out or getting into a knife or dance fight.

Which brings me to Twix PB.  Twix PB will not be endangering all of my work in the program any time soon.

Twix PB has all of the structural trappings of an original Twix but with a sweet peanut butter layer instead of caramel and a chocolate cookie, instead of the standard issue Twix cookie.  Which sounds pretty great.  On paper.  In mouth-reality, not so much.

Eating these was a bizarre experience.  They are delicious for exactly the first three chews.  Chomp chomp nom.  Peanut butter and chocolate working together in harmony.  As it should be.  But after that, the flavor train jumps the rails.

I don’t know what happens; it must be something at the molecular level, but all of the ingredients break down and meld into this gross, chalky-textured mess.  The good flavor from only seconds before completely disappears.  And by the time you swallow, you never want to have another bite again.  Very, very not good.

I’d say you have to try one for yourself, just for the sheer oddity of such a huge flavor swerve.  I’ve never experienced anything like it thus far in my snacksplorations.

I’m going to go have an original Twix to set things right again.  No it’s cool man, it’s only one. I can totally stop whenever I want.