AriZona Iced Tea was huge when I was in middle school.  I don’t know why we all suddenly noticed the brand, but we did, and we had to have it.  And that wasn’t very convenient, as the cans did not fit easily into lunchboxes or brown paper bags.  Not if you wanted to pack any actual food in there.  Every weekend, I’d march it down to the Circle K and swill a can after my 13 second game of Street Fighter II (again, screw that game).

Anyway, I’ve always been a standard Iced Tea with Lemon kind of guy.  Love the stuff.  Still drink it every week.  But since I minted myself a food blogger, I’ve been branching out and trying other flavors to develop my corn syrup palette.  Generally it’s been to great success.  This is one of the exceptions.

AriZona Half Iced Tea and Half Tropical is not good.  It looked good on the shelf at the gas station.  The ridiculous can design certainly caught my eye.  I didn’t think you could make a purple checkerboard design more eye-jarring.  Turns out all you have to do is stuff your southwest logo design with horrifying colors, put a ton of harshly pigmented fruit along the bottom, and have your product name fade from red to yellow.  Too.  Much.

The taste is just as much of a muddled mess.  I didn’t get much of the tea I like so much.  Instead I got a weird mishmash of fruits that may or may not appear in tropical punch.  It’s a lot of guava flavor (not a fan) and a little bit of barely recognizable pear and pineapple.  And it has an obnoxious banana-y aftertaste.  I don’t like to drink my bananas.  I like to enjoy them in nut bread or cream pie form.  Obviously.  All of the flavors in this drink work together to create something that tastes like medicine.

The nosegrope is strong and fruity and a bit unnatural.  I could smell it from across the room.  And the murky, pinkish, reddish, orangish brownish color of the drink is not very appealing.

Come on AriZona, don’t start getting crazy with these half and half mix ‘em ups.  Keep it simple.  Iced Tea with Raspberry.  Watermelon.  These are good flavors, and you do them right.  Take this abomination out of your product line before I slap the capital Z right out of the middle of you.  This beverage is embarrassing.  Arnold Palmer would be ashamed.