Saturday I decided to take a trip to the Walmart Supercenter because it had been a while since I’d felt sad. Along with a case of the Heebie Jeebies, I picked up a can of these Mozarella Sticks and Marinara Pringles.
Why Mozzarella Sticks and Marinara Pringles? Let’s face it, some days it is just next to impossible to get out of bed. We’ve all been there. You are craving your favorite prepackaged frozen appetizer food, but just can’t muster up the gusto to put pants on and drive to the nearest Applebee’s. But an almost-person has to eat too, right? So you reach for your bag of chips. But you know what? Screw that. You don’t want potato chips. Too natural and mathematically imperfect. You have your standards. Then you see it: a tube of potato paste pressed into little thin sheets flavored to sort of resemble another food. And suddenly you have plans for the afternoon.
I’m going to dismount my high horse for a second and proudly admit that I like Pringles. I shouldn’t but I do. Let he among you who hasn’t downed an entire tube at one sitting, cast the first stone.
I’ve never been bowled over by a can of Pringles though. They are a mediocre, salty, flavor-charged snack that work particularly well in driving situations. These Mozzarella Stick and Marinaras fall well within the bounds of accepted Pringles mediocrity. They have that smell that pizza-flavored foods have. They do taste a bit like cheese and marinara sauce, sort of, I guess. The flavor is not strong and won’t convince you right away. Surprisingly, they are not as heavily seasoned as I expected. Definitely not the powdered explosion we’ve all come to know and love. The true test with all of these types of flavors is whether you could identify the food being emulated if you didn’t know before hand. And I bet you couldn’t.
These wacky flavors always seem unnecessary to me. Who is claiming these as their favorite flavor? Who is stocking there pantries with rows and rows of these cans? Who is clamoring at the gates of Minas Pringlith begging for their sweet mozzarella preciousss? Novelty is definitely driving the Restaurant Cravers line.
If these were around, I’d eat them. If they weren’t, (shrug). You should try a can just to say you did. Then pull the covers over your head and go back to sleep. It’s too early to start the day.