“Without energy, you have nothing.”
Donald Trump is a huge tool. I don’t think we can argue that, however, in the case of energy, he knows what he’s talking about. Without energy, we indeed are nothing. Literally, we cease to be animated, thinking creatures. Deader than January Jones’s eyes in the new X-Men movie.
So how do we 21st century denizens keep from becoming a lifeless zombie-like Mad Men actress? We could eat fruits and vegetables and stuff, but come on, where do you even buy that stuff? Instead, we energy jam, consuming copious amounts of coffee, soda, and energy drinks.
One area of energy jamming that I’m still intrigued by is the shot. My first and only experience with energy shots came during a fitness expo before a 5k race I ran at Disney World. Every runner received a pair of energy shots in their gift bag (along with a packet of Paul Prudhomme’s Magic Seasoning Blend, for which I still have no rational explanation). I don’t remember the brand or content of those shots. All I remember is that they were terrible. They were sour and strong and left my face looking like the Phil Collins puppet in the “Land of Confusion” video.
So when the folks at Sky Nutrition sent me some samples of their Allday Energy shot, I wasn’t expecting much. And when I read “sugar-free” on the first bottle, I expected even less.
Allday Energy is packed with a handful of ingredients I was unfamiliar with: L-arginine, L-carnitine, Vitamin C (I have scurvy). It also has a ton of B vitamins. I knew B vitamins would speed me up because that’s what Nicolas Cage’s character shoots intravenously in Bringing Out the Dead. Nic Cage is a lot of things, but he is no liar, sir.
I had a three-day teacher development class this week. For those not in the club, a teacher development workshop is when someone you probably wouldn’t hang around with manages to cram 20 minutes of content into a 12 hour workshop that is never located anywhere close to where you live. I knew this would be the perfect test of my energy shots.
Before I left the house, I drank a shot. I braced myself for a puckering shudder, but it never came. The shot was quite smooth and tasted pretty good. I couldn’t pin down the flavor, but I’d put it somewhere in the strawberry-cherry-fruit punch realm. The layering of pleasant taste over compounds that probably don’t taste good is done quite skillfully, and I slowclap applaud them for it.
And I extend that slowclap applause to the shot’s energy output. I never felt spazzy or jittery or Tom Cruisey. I didn’t crash, and I made it through my class without the fatigue I felt during the previous shotless day. The peak lasted for around five hours, and I felt pretty good for a few hours after that.
While I am certainly no expert on energy shots, this stuff works for me. It tastes good, does what it promises, and in the end it won’t leave you looking like Phil Collins or acting like January Jones. And I think you’ll all agree that not acting like January Jones is something to which we all should be aspiring …