There are many ways to bring a new product to market.  Sometimes, it’s the result of years of testing and research.  Sometimes, it’s just a sudden flash of genius.  Sometimes, it’s looking for a hole in the market and filling it.

My theory for this product is that a group of Ed Hardy wearing, Entourage loving, faux metaphysical Matthew McConaughey types, with the shine not yet off their Marketing degrees, got together with their autistic pet parrot and pulled their trust fund money to make a drink that was like, ya know, totally, cool and awesome and stuff.

“Dude, we’ll totally call it Me because each drink will like, be for a person’s personality.  And we’ll put a fingerprint on each can for individualness because like only one out of a hundred people have the same fingerprint.  We’ll call one…”

“Squawk!  Vivcaious!”

“Yea!  For hot chicks that are all energetic and wild and crap.  It’ll be…”

“Squawk!  Tangerine!  Squawk!  Pineapple!”

“Totally!”

“Then one will be like Curious, for dudes that are all smart and think outside of the bun.”

“Squawk! Blueberry!  Squawk!  Lime!”

“Rad, parrot!  Blueberry and lime!  You’re sick man!”

Ok, I have to stop the tableau there.  My soul started to blacken a bit.  There are two other flavors in the Me line of sparkling beverages: Uninhibited (pink grapefruit) and Unavailable (dragonfruit-blackberry).  Yep.  Someone thought it was a good idea to name one of their products Unavailable.

In completely unrelated news, this line of drinks appears to be defunct.  The website, where you could take a personality test to find out which flavor suited you best (blech), is gone.  I found this can at Big Lots.  Shocking.  But you can still get the stuff on Amazon, should you suffer a traumatic brain injury and lose all ability to make good decisions.

Me Curious is just absolutely terrible.  The name is stupid.  The idea behind it is stupid.  I’m sure the people who worked on it were stupid.  Just a complete train wreck.

The blueberry and lime concentrates taste cheap and they do not, in any way imaginable, work together.  How could they?  I’m sure the thought was that they would compliment each other in some unexpected way that would produce a nuanced flavor revelation.  Instead, together, they taste like medicine.  Crappy, tart, foul medicine.  And Me doesn’t even have caffeine!  There is not one redeeming quality about this product.  It offends me.

I can only hope that the parrot has moved on to bigger and better things.  I hear he was one of the writers on Adam Sandler’s most recent film.