I’d love to have a blog dedicated only to prepackaged foods found at the Walt Disney World Resort, but that would be impossible.  The merchandising juggernaut that is The Mouse is not in the business of making interesting snacks.  And I wouldn’t expect them to be.  Why spend R&D money on a food lab, when you could just sell a familiar though slightly inferior knockoff to a sun-charred Englishman waiting in line for Splash Mountain?  They’re going to buy it.  They always buy it.  I always buy it.

But what Disney does do really well is make things look good.  Main Street, princess pajamas, the castle, candy, animatronic presidents, I am a sucker for them all.  Walking through the parks, or a store like the World of Disney, is an exercise in color and sparkle.  The eye strains to take it all in.  As does the wallet.

Take this package of Milk Chocolate Peanut Candies.  It looks fantastic, and I think we can all agree that the monorail is the greatest thing ever.  My wife asked me why I liked it so much when I enthusiastically showed her this candy.  I said, grandly, that is was because the monorail was part of the promise of a better future which never came!  It was the original EPCOT project! It was PeopleMovers, pedestrianism, and the Green Belt!   It was Walt’s vision of a model community.

Then I caught my breath and said less grandly, that it was because the only time I am ever on a monorail is when I am going to Disney World.  And I love Disney World.  If I hopped a monorail to the dentist every month, I might not love it so much…ok, I still totally would!

If it can be considered a ride, then it is one of my favorites, up there with the Tomorrowland Transit Authority and The Land.  I know.  I can’t help it.  I have a thing for non-thrilling narration-based rides that cover a lot of ground.

When you couple said monorail with vintage Disney colors and design, well, things just don’t get much better.

For those out of the know, the quote on the box is a reference to the announcement played on the monorail politely telling passengers to stand clear of the doors, which are powerful and have been known to cleave tourists cleanly in half (not true).  If you can recite the announcement in English and Spanish, you are probably a big fan of the parks.  And if you can do it with the gravitas of Jack Wagner, then you are awesome, and I give you much mouse respect.

Awesome box aside, there is no mystery here.  These are just generic Peanut M&Ms.  They taste good, of course, but are just ever so slightly off.  Nothing I can put my giant foam-suited finger on, but it’s there, and you notice it, maybe subconsciously.  But who cares?  Chocolate-covered peanuts are always great.

Now sure you could bring your own M&Ms into the park to stuff in your kid’s gullet, but come on, these come with the monorail on the box.  The monorail!  You’ll need something cool to look at when waiting for your Mark VI Teal to arrive that’s not the sweaty armpit of the tank top-wearing Iowan man in front of you.

Watch your head and step, indeed!