This weeked is the American Pie Council’s Great American Pie Festival.  It is being held for the eleventh time in Celebration, Florida, a mere 79.7 miles from my home, as the Google crow flies.  I hope to be in attendance on Saturday taking part in the Never-Ending Pie Buffet. 

Now, I must admit that upon hearing of a ten dollar, all-you-can-eat buffet of pie, I was pretty excited.  The festival attracts the best pie makers from all around the country, so I was hoping to stuff myself with their delicious creations.  However, I quickly found out that the pie buffet is sponsored by larger, more corporate entities like Village Inn, and the pies on offer won’t be those tasty Midwestern mom pies.  My initial excitement waned a bit.  But a little research revealed that some of the smaller companies participating do indeed provide some good pie action, so my excitement is settling to an appropriate level.

It’s not like I’m going to pass up a pie buffet.  This kind of opportunity comes up once every…ok, once every year.  This is America after all.  And I won’t be eating only for myself.  I will be eating for each and every one of you who can’t make it. 

So to prepare for the feast, I have gone into training.

My rollerblading sessions have gotten longer, my workout shorts have gotten shorter, and my headbands have gotten more righteous.  I’m not playing around here. 

I researched “how to increase metabolism” on the reliable internet, as well.  So now I am drinking lots of coffee, ice water, and mate tea.  I am eating tons of ginseng, cinnamon, and chili peppers.  I’m on a constant B vitamin and magnesium drip.   And somehow I’m now subscribed to Women’s Health and Cosmopolitan (though as an added bonus, I have a deeper understanding of why I am attracted to bad boys).

I am also now eating nothing but tiny foods.  I think that will trick my stomach into…something.  I couldn’t find any hard science to back this up.  Sometimes you have just got to trust your intuition (Cosmo). 

My mornings start with a spoonful of sprinkles.  For lunch, I have a cocktail wiener and seven fresh peas.  Dinner is a single Lunchables cracker, cheese, and meat stack.  And for dessert I have one of these Meiji Apollos.

You may have noticed both the candies and the packaging are adorable, so yes, that means they are from Japan.  Competitive eating superstar Takeru Kobayashi is also from Japan.  It’s all lining up.

Each little cone is a layered mix of pretty ok milk chocolate and strawberry cream.  The strawberry tastes artificial, but it’s not horrible.  It works when paired with the chocolate.  It’s what you would expect from an inexpensive Japanese snack.  They’re pretty good.

These wouldn’t be bad to have on hand at home or at the office.  A small handful would yield a satisfying midday sweet fix, and they would be fun to pass around to increase workplace camaraderie and such.  And you know Pocky is so five minutes ago.

So enjoy a box of these until the next time we rendezvous, which will probably be post-buffet!  I’m already giddy with excitement.  Or perhaps that is the constant lightheadedness and nausea.  Either way, it’s time for some cinnamon ice water.