We are supposed to have 180 school days. In theory, that is a lot of learning. But once you add in half days, weeks where we celebrate education (with activities like hoofing it to a nearby theater to watch the Squeakquel), field day, conference days, mid-terms and finals (which middle schoolers take for some reason), standardized testing, and the last week of school where literally nothing happens, I really end up teaching for like 19 days per year.

The number 180 looks great on paper, but it ends up being like the people whose religious beliefs prevent them from doing any “work” on the sabbath but who devote themselves to finding ways around God’s stipulations. You know, the people who have elevators that stop on every floor because pressing buttons is an abomination in the eyes of the almighty. Or the people who make their house keys into a belt buckle because then they become clothing and don’t violate the “thou shalt not carry” things law.

Unless I missed the part where the All Powerful loves a good loophole, I’m not sure we are being true to the original intent of the rules.

So we’ve got about four weeks left to satisfy our mandates. It’s too late to start anything new, reviewing for finals is boring, and the kids know that the end is nigh. Couple that with the fact that I am switching subjects next year (Language Arts to Science), and I just can’t motivate myself to do anything but watch Felicity and Perfect Strangers.

This lack of motivation has been spilling into my blogging, and I don’t like it. It’s made worse by the current lack of interesting foods in my stash.

Which sort of brings us to today. Recently, friend of the blog @vonmanstein said that Fresh Markets were now carrying Hotlips Soda. I am a fan, so I headed down to the local, hoping it would lead to some other interesting purchases. I did purchase some Hotlips and enjoyed them with great relish.

Hiding in the same refrigerated section I found this box (?) of Coco Cafe Coconut Water Cafe Latte. This product has been on my To Buy list for quite a while. It wasn’t available in my area when I first discovered it, and it was only sold online in $30 12 packs, so it has been relegated to snack purgatory until now.

Coco Cafe is a blend of the beverage du jour that is coconut water, espresso, and milk. The espresso is fair trade and organic, and everything is “all natural,” whatever that means these days.

This drink is what happens when the final product equals far less than the sum of its parts. Coconut water, espresso, milk, and some cane juice seems like a home dunk (slam run?). But everything just turned out to be a bland concoction not unlike that canned Illy drink I had a while back.

In my head, I wanted this drink to be something great. I was hoping for some coconut taste and got none. I was hoping for some nice coffee flavors and got very little. I was hoping for refreshment, but with the unfortunate appearance of my arch nemesis carrageenan and his greasy mouthfeel that I hate so much, this was a disappointment all around.

It’s not a bad drink per se. It’s not gross. It’s drinkable, just very unremarkable. It tastes not unlike a bottle of Yoohoo that was left sitting open next to an espresso machine at Starbucks.

The box claims caffeination as a selling point. I don’t know how much caffeine is in one of these, but it can’t be very much. The coffee flavor is just too weak to be packing any kind of punch.

I’m sure it’s good for you and stuff, but who cares. My morning coffee and bottle of water have been doing just fine. Pick up some if you see it, but don’t go out of your way to find it.

That’s what I get for abandoning Larry and Balki.