A few years ago I ran my first 5k.  The race ran through Disney’s Animal Kingdom after hours.  It was a ton of fun despite, or because of, the Jurassic Park rainstorm that descended on us nine seconds into the race.  It was so fun, in fact, that I decided I had to run another one…three years later.

So now I am in hardcore training to chisel and shape my Oliver Platt body into a very slightly thinner Oliver Platt body.  Mainly my training consists of stopping at a park on my way home from work and willing myself not to stroke out as I stumble gasping around a track while nearly drowning myself in the water I have to constantly pour over myself to prevent epidermal sublimation.

I rarely eat breakfast that is not coffee and frequently skip lunch to grade papers and cry and what not.  Occasionally I’ll remember to pick up some kind of nutrient bar and when I do, I usually go with Clif Bars.  I highly recommend the Macadamia Nut and White Chocolate.

But recently I got my hands on a two-variety box of Munition Energy Bars.  They’re made in Canada, although they contain no maple syrup, so I’m a little suspicious.  However, they do contain some healthy sounding ingredients that I’m sure any Whole Foods shopper worth their weight could tell you all about: hemp seeds, tapioca syrup, and agave syrup to name a few.  The bars are also contain guarana powder and are labeled as 80% organic.

I got two varieties: Guarana and Camu Camu and Guarana and Acai.  If you don’t know, Camu Camu berries are Vitamin C-packed berries that grow on trees in the Amazon rainforest, and Acai berries are a fruit harvested from internet pop-ups and junk email.  They’re both good for you or whatever.

Structurally, the bars have a density similar to other energy bars.  The Guarana and Camu Camu bar had a very strong berry flavor.  I didn’t love it, but it has more to do with the fact that the berry flavor felt disconnected from the bar itself.  I was eating this very dense and intensely textural bar but the Camu Camu flavor felt like it was happening on a different plane.  I found the distinct separateness off-putting.

However, I likedthe Guarana and Acai bar.  This bar had a lot more chocolate chips studded throughout it, which solved the separateness problem of the Camu Camu.  The chocolate chips helped pull the Acai flavor and the bar together into a nice, almost raspberry and chocolate type experience.

I finished an Acai bar before a run last week and did feel peppier in the afternoon.  My temples weren’t throbbing with their usual, nearly audible voracity.

If you’re an athlete like me (ha) or a partaker in energy bars, these are good.  Go with the Acai, but hold off on the Camu Camu for a while.  Much like my fitness level and midsection, they are not quite there yet.  Just give them some time and wish me luck.  To the track!

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