Well the third season of The Walking Dead wrapped up recently so I had to switch gears to the next batch of shows that will keep me transfixed until the summer. Enter Game of Thrones.
I like Game of Thrones. What with the nudity and fur and swords and all. While I haven’t read the phonebook-sized tomes, I have seen every episode. It’s a good show. And I know it’s a good show because I keep watching it even though I have absolutely no idea what is going on.
Here’s what I remember of the plot. There is an evil, well-bathed, effeminate blonde family who are really jerky and want to rule and have incestuous intercourse with each other. Peter Dinklage is part of that family, and he’s fantastic in every way, but he doesn’t get into the whole having sex with a sibling thing.
Then there’s a brown-haired family who is a little dirtier and a little furrier and they’re wandering around because they used to rule the kingdoms (there’s like 22 kingdoms) but don’t rule anymore because the blonde family tricked them or something. I think the brown dirties have a guy who lives at this mega wall in Siberia. He keeps an eye out for snow zombies, who no one believes really exist, but totally do. And the snow zombies are pissed because they’re snow zombies.
Then there’s a really hot chick that used to be married to a Klingon named Coal Dragon. Her name is Cold Lisa. She’s in charge of a brood of baby dragons and has a flock of poor people who follow her around the desert. She wants to rule Middle Earth because she thinks her dragons automatically make her the queen or something. I guess dragons are undefeatable, except that these dragons are the last three dragons so at some point someone must have defeated all of them.
And everyone is always talking about dads and brothers and sons.
And there are wolves and giants and castles and magic. There’s always magic. But it’s not like cool Harry Potter magic, it’s like religion magic.
It’s so good you guys!
So to celebrate the show’s third season premiere on HBO and every piracy site on the internet, Brewery Ommegang has released this Iron Throne Blonde Ale. Because TV show tie-ins aren’t just for cereal anymore.
My first thought was why in the name of all that is medieval and muddy would you release a blonde ale? It’s supposed to represent the clean, blonde family on the show. I get that. But come on. This should be dark and thick and sludgy. It should pour like syrup and have bits of elk gristle floating about in it. Or at the barest of minimums leaves and twigs. And it should come with a horn or leather pouch in which to pour it. Or a mail-in offer with proofs of purchase where they’ll send you the hollowed out skull of one of your enemies from which to drink.
That being said, I enjoyed this beer.
My palate is at least three hand drawn mountain ranges over from being sensitive to the types of flavors beer aficionados are able to throw out, but I’ll do my best. First off, it pours a beautiful murky amberish color with a tall frothy head and some pretty sticky lacing (Lacing! Look at me!). The nosegrope is light and wheaty with citrus notes weaved in.
It drinks like a Belgian ale. Not very hoppy. Wheat and citrus. Very light and smooth with a dry finish.
I enjoyed it thoroughly and would gladly drink it again. Get some for the next episode.
I read somewhere they’re going to do a series of beers for the show. I don’t know if that’s true, but I hope it is. Whatever the next one is, it should come in a barrel. The snow zombies deserve at least a Smirnoff Ice. Or as my friend Erik pointed out, Peter Dinklage needs his own beer, and it should come in a Red Stripe bottle.
Whatever it is they yell on Game of Thrones!!!